How Stress Actually Leaves the Body

Mascari, Brooke - January 25, 2026

Most of us were taught that emotional regulation is something we’re supposed to do alone.

“Calm down.”
“Handle it.”
“Be strong.”
“Don’t depend on others.”

But the nervous system doesn’t work that way.

Human beings evolved in connection. Safety was not just something we thought — it was something we felt in the presence of others. Over time, our bodies learned how to calm themselves both internally and relationally.

This is where the concepts of self-regulation and co-regulation come in.

They aren’t opposites.
They aren’t competing strategies.
They are complementary skills.

And learning when you need one versus the other can change how you experience stress, emotions, and even your hormones.

What Is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation is your ability to bring yourself back to a calmer state using your own internal or personal tools.

This can look like:
• deep breathing
• journaling
• prayer or meditation
• walking or gentle movement
• listening to music
• stretching
• resting
• being alone in silence

Self-regulation is an important skill. It helps you:
• build emotional resilience
• feel capable and grounded
• create safety inside your own body
• avoid emotional reactivity

It’s often emphasized in modern culture because it aligns with independence and productivity.

And it’s useful — but it’s not the whole picture.

What Is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation is the ability to calm your nervous system through safe connection with another person.

This can look like:
• talking something through
• being listened to
• receiving reassurance
• crying with someone
• laughing together
• physical closeness
• feeling understood
• simply not being alone

Your nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety or threat. A calm voice, kind eyes, gentle presence, and emotional attunement send a powerful message:

You are not alone. You are safe now.

This is not emotional dependence.
It is nervous system biology.

We are wired to regulate together before we ever learn to regulate alone.

Babies don’t self-soothe — they are soothed.
Over time, those experiences become internalized.

So needing co-regulation as an adult does not mean you are immature.
It means your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do.

Are Women More Wired for Co-Regulation?

You may hear the idea that women tend to be more co-regulation-oriented while men tend to be more self-regulation-oriented.

There is no strict biological rule that says this must be true — but there are strong influences:

• Women historically lived and worked in community
• Child-rearing was shared
• Emotional processing often happened socially
• Survival depended on relational awareness

Meanwhile, many men were socialized toward:
• emotional containment
• action over expression
• independence
• problem-solving rather than emotional processing

So what we often see today is not biology vs biology, but:
biology shaped by culture and experience.

Some women regulate best alone.
Some men regulate best through connection.
Many people need both.

The key is not fitting a category — it is learning your pattern.

Why This Matters for Hormone Balance

Your hormones respond to perceived safety.

When your nervous system stays in a state of threat or overwhelm:
• cortisol stays elevated
• blood sugar becomes harder to stabilize
• progesterone can drop
• inflammation increases
• sleep is disrupted
• digestion slows
• ovulation can be suppressed

Stress is not just mental — it is chemical.

But when your nervous system experiences safety:
• cortisol decreases
• oxytocin increases
• parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) activity rises
• reproductive hormones regulate more easily
• insulin sensitivity improves
• your body shifts into repair mode

This means that emotional support is not a luxury for hormone health.
It is a biological signal.

Feeling supported literally changes your chemistry.

The Real Skill: Knowing What You Need

The deeper work is not choosing one strategy forever.

It’s developing the awareness to ask:

“What kind of regulation do I need right now?”

Sometimes the answer is:
“I need to be alone and quiet.”

Sometimes it is:
“I need to be heard.”

Sometimes it is:
“I need touch.”

Sometimes it is:
“I need movement.”

And sometimes it is:
“I don’t know yet — I just know I feel off.”

That awareness itself begins regulation.

Instead of forcing yourself to “handle it” when you actually need connection…
or forcing yourself to talk when you need solitude…

You learn to listen to your nervous system instead of overriding it.

Why Isolation Makes Stress Feel Bigger

Many people notice that stress feels heavier when they are alone for long periods — especially during:
• winter
• illness
• bad weather
• emotional hardship
• hormonal shifts

This isn’t weakness.
It’s lack of co-regulatory input.

Without cues of safety from others, the nervous system has fewer anchors.

That’s why:
• anxiety grows faster in isolation
• thoughts spiral more easily
• emotions feel louder
• coping behaviors become more rigid

Sometimes the most regulating thing you can do is not a breathwork exercise — it is a conversation.

Building Both Skills

A regulated nervous system is not one that never needs others.

It is one that can:
• soothe itself when needed
• seek connection when needed
• tolerate emotions without panic
• feel safe both alone and with others

This means practicing both:
• time with yourself
• time with safe people

It means releasing shame around needing support.
And releasing pressure to never need it.

A Gentle Reflection

Ask yourself:
• When I’m stressed, do I isolate or reach out?
• Which actually helps me calm down?
• What did I learn about emotions growing up?
• Who feels safe to co-regulate with?
• What helps me self-regulate without numbing?

These answers are not judgments.
They are information.

And information is power.

The Bottom Line

You don’t need to become someone who never needs others.
And you don’t need to become someone who can’t be alone.

You need to become someone who can listen to her body.

Because your nervous system is always trying to protect you.
And your hormones are always responding to how safe you feel.

Regulation is not control.
It is relationship… with yourself and with others.

And both matter.